When Life Isn’t Going Your Way Complete Performance Coaching June 27, 2019 Today’s Topic: When Life Isn’t Going Your Way Hello everybody. It’s me, Coach Rebecca Smith with Complete Performance Coaching and I am going to get a little vulnerable today so it might be a little different than the typical live session. Here we go. “What’s wrong with me?” Have you ever had one of those weeks where it just feels like nothing is going your way? That has pretty much been my week. I’ve been on the phone with my husband asking, “What am I doing wrong? What’s wrong with me?” I have kind of defaulted to this idea of “I am messing up”. I thought, “I don’t want to say this live on social media because I don’t want people to think I’m not perfect, that I’m not this amazing beacon of light for all athletes,” but it’s reality. So I figured that I would share what’s going on. Handling Criticism All throughout the last week or two, I’ve been getting critical feedback in social, in work, and it’s kind of coming from all directions. I got really uppity with a woman I was mentoring, saying, “This is how it has to be, this is how you have to do it.” She said, “I don’t really want to work with you anymore.” That was like a punch to the gut. I responded, “But this is what you need to know. This is the truth, this is how it goes,” and she said, “Yeah, that’s not the truth for me.” And then it was just one thing after another! I was being bossy to my husband and he’s like, “Hey, you can’t do that. That’s not going to work for me.” Then I went into a team session and I’m like, “This is how it is everybody, this is how it is,” and a couple of girls were saying, “That’s not how it is for me.” Look at it. Listen to it. When things happen like this more than once, when critical feedback happens more than once, I tell my clients, “Look at it. Look at it!” If some rude coach is saying, “Oh, that was horrible,” that’s one thing. But if three coaches in the same week are giving you the same feedback, listen to it. So what I’ve been doing for the last 24, maybe 48 hours is just going, “Okay, what has to change?” I’ve been feeling like nothing’s going my way right now, and I’m the common denominator. I’m the one who is uncomfortable in my skin and not feeling like I’m showing up as the human. I want to be in this world. So I thought, “Okay, how would I coach a kid through this because I need a little love.” So this is more for me probably than it is for you, but thank you for tuning in and helping me get through this in my own mind. Overly Confident I thought about other times in my life when I’ve had things like this happen. There’s one example where I started wakeboarding. It was my first time ever wakeboarding and I was a gymnast. I had snowboarded so I thought, “I’m going to be so good at this,” and I popped right up on the board, first try, and I was cruising. I was doing so great that the drivers started to speed up, and then I was like, “Ooh, I’m going to jump some wakes!” I jumped a wake, caught my front edge, and face-planted. Super painful. I said, “I’m done. The end. I’m done for today.” I’ve had that metaphor come up various times in my life where I’m like, “I got this, I’m in charge, I am amazing. I am killing it at life,” and then boom! Life kind of hands me a face-plant from which I can look back and go, “Okay, I actually had never wakeboarded before. How did I know that was safe?” It was kind of cocky of me to be thinking, “I’m amazing. I know everything. Ask for Help So every time in my life that I’ve gotten a little bit too big for my britches and been like, “I got this. I don’t need anybody’s help. I don’t need any feedback. I don’t need anybody to tell me what’s going on,” those have been really amazing moments for growth for me where I could either just continue to think everybody’s wrong and they’re idiots, or I can go, “All right Rebecca. Time to grow, time to change, time to surrender.” To anybody out there, any of you athletes or even any of your parents are having one of these streaks where you’re getting nothing but criticism and thinking, “Am I really just not doing anything right?” Here’s what I suggest – I’m going to mostly be talking to myself, but hopefully, it can benefit you, too. Learning Moments Look at it and go, “All right, I’m getting a message here. What is the message? This is a learning moment.” I remember talking to friends as I’ve gone through these various learning moments in my life and asking, “Can we just not learn right now? Can we just have a little less learning and a little more coasting? Would that be okay?” But here we are in a learning moment. If you’re getting a lot of negativity from yourself, from others, it’s like what needs to change?” It’s me. I’m going to try to surrender – less talking, more listening. I’m going to get open. I’m an open my mind to whatever the lesson is here and just ask, “What is this that’s going to allow me to serve people better? That’s going to allow me to be a better, more happy human when I get this lesson when I stop fighting it, stop trying to go it alone?” I get really caught up in this mindset of, “I run this company, I’m in charge, I do this stuff. I got this,” but what I need is help sometimes, and that’s for any athlete who’s like, “I’m at the top of my level, I know my stuff,” and then all of a sudden you’re having a rough patch and you don’t want to ask for help. Talk About It I’ve been just talking about it with people who have the grounded energy that I want to embody in a lot of honest conversations about “How am I screwing up? What’s going on here? Why is it happening like this?” and people are able to give me compassion. They’re able to give me feedback. Because I’m not just like, “No thanks. I already have the answers,” I can actually hear what the feedback is. So talk about it. Stop thinking you have all the answers. This has come in handy at a few painful points in my life where I thought I had it all figured out and that came crashing down. There was a moment where I was married and had this big beautiful house and everything was going great, and then it all came crashing to the ground about 12 years ago. I found myself with nothing, back in school, thinking, “What happened?” But I just went, “Alright, I don’t have the answers. I’m just going to put one foot in front of the other and I’m going to try to be a good person.” One Foot in Front of the Other I had that attitude of, “Just one foot in front of the other. No, things are not going my way, but I’m just going to put one foot in front of the other and try to do one thing at a time and try to just be a good person.” Instead of thinking, “I need to get mine and I need it to go my way,” it was just like, “I’m just going to try and show up in this world, be a good person and see what happens,” and things got great. I had these amazing relationships. Life started to build on itself. School led me to this career that I absolutely love and adore as a result of going, “I’m just going to try to be a good person.” This Too Shall Pass So that’s what I’m going to like, now. Refocus on here. I’m listening more, talking less, not thinking “I know”, but being open. I’m repeating this to myself. My brain needs to hear it. And then knowing that “this too shall pass, this is temporary.” Every time I’ve had a rough patch, I’ve gotten through it. Every time I thought something wasn’t going to get worked out, it won’t work, it’s the end, I got to the other side. Don’t Give Up You always figure it out. It always gets worked out if you don’t give up. And I’m not giving up. Gratitude and Service The final thing is kind of my own personal little mantra here. I have it sitting on my desk, it says “gratitude and service”. I noticed that when I get miserable and when I get critical and when I get down on myself, it’s because I am like, “I want, I want,” and that’s not the point. That’s not why I’m here. I think why any of us are here is to be grateful. Gratitude List I’m going to start a practice of writing a gratitude list – 10 things at the end of each day, and not just, “I’m grateful for the lamp, I’m grateful for a pillow,” it’s going to be like, “I’m grateful for the way the sun shines on my daughter’s hair when she’s swimming.” It’s going to be things that I can connect my heart to. Things where I can say, “There are good things happening here,” and then just giving my best – giving to you, giving to my family, giving to my clients, and just making it not about me. So if you are in a rough patch, if you can turn your attention to gratitude and making it not about you, think about how you can contribute to your team? How can you contribute to your team in a different way than what you’re trying to contribute that isn’t working? It WILL Get Better And then just remembering that this too shall pass, one foot in front of the other. It’s going to get better. If you’re having a hard time, feel free to reach out to me and let me know what’s going on. You can direct message me if you’re on Instagram or you can send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. I want to support you. Thank you for listening. As always, I’m grateful for you being here for me in this journey that I call life and business. I’ll see you again soon.